My bestfriend got mad at me the night I left for Phils. He was so mad he didn't even talk to me the day before I left. He saw my scars. Nobody ever understands why I do that to myself. I didn't understand myself either, at first. Its not that I'm suicidal cause I'll never do that to myself. I have a future worth it all, even if everything sucks now. So why?

Every night I fight my own demons but sometimes I'm not strong enough and they convince me that I'll never be worth anything and I carve stupid lines on myself. The night gets to me, and I get so sick of crying and dragging a pin on myself distracts me.

I don't make much sense. Nothing does when it comes to anything related to myself really.

Something awful happened but I know if I blog about it right now I'll start crying and I can't do that right now. Not in a hospital. Not here. Not right now.

Tonight maybe.