Mama is leaving for phillippines next Tuesday night. She quit her job here, and plans to stay there for a while. She just needs to be...away, I guess. She's making plans for my sisters to visit we there in June, but I'll have school till October, and I'll fly back then.
I don't understand. Am I the only one who's hurting about this? What about Sam? What about papa? Does she even know that Shania will spend days in her room crying after she's left? I spent half the night crying my eyes out last night, woke up wishing I'd only dreamt about her explaining her plans to leave.
When I was 5 years old mama left for Hong kong because of work. She was away for only about a month but it felt like forever to me. I remember crying in her room after she left, putting my face in her pillow and just cried there. I was fucking 5 years old. I even tried dialling her handphone number one night hoping it would ring and I could talk to her, but of course I didn't know the concept of calling overseas then and all I got was a dial tone.
I was finally happy...and I know it's a mean thing to say but why did she have to ruin that for me? I was finally happy. But I guess I understand whats it like to be selfish. We all are sometimes.
I have the most amazing boyfriend, he's all I have right now and I know he'll help me get through this. He keeps telling me she won't be away for too long and I try to believe him, cause it makes me feel better. He does have a point. My mama loves us, she'll come to her senses soon enough. But it sucks that she won't be here for important things. KZ's turning 20 next Thursday, and of course my first day of school. I'm abit nervous for poly but I know no matter what kz will be there for me, so no worries.
I'll be okay.
