CLUMSYSADTHOUGHTS.

Breathe. Don't forget to breathe. My eyes sting. My mascara's mixed with my tears. I don't understand. This hurts so much. Happy, wasn't that what I felt? Even if it was only for a moment. Shouldn't it had stayed? Why don't I feel like that anymore. I don't want this heart anymore, my heart. Take it. I don't want this pain. Take care of me...hold me and tell me that you honestly, genuinely care about me. Tell me that you won't ever hurt me, won't ever want to. This isn't my fault...I didn't want for this to happen. I don't want to think anymore. I hold myself. My fingers on my arms like I would feel better but I won't. Make me believe that I would never feel this way again. I need to sleep. I can't sleep. STOP CRYING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. I wish you cared. I wish I never made you mad. I wish I could have stopped. I feel sore all over. That only makes me cry harder.

YOU.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You are special. I love everything about you, and I always will. If you ever leave. It'll be like drilling a hole into my chest and pouring acid into where my heart should be. We are special, so don't ever leave. Stay.

LASTFRIDAYNIGHT.

On Friday I went out with kitty cat to look for a job. She's finally dyed her hair red too, haha I was so excited to be there with her. I was prolly five times more excited than she was hahaha. Josh was with us too and we ended up going to RP for some music performance thing there. For the first time in my life I didn't feel the tiniest bit of paranoia.

The best part of it all is my mama's acceptance...everything's gonna be okay now. I'm on my way to finally being happy. After an entire year of letting go of things I always believed I would miss, I wouldn't change anything if I could. Its like, I've skipped the process of moving on and missing what I used to have. So this is how happy feels like.

It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down.

RAIDMYWARDROBE

Distressed skinny jeans from Forever21 - $19. Size 25. Pending.



Black floral dress - $7.



Cotton On cyan blue cropped tank-$5. Sold.



Black shirt with shoulder chain details-$6.





Cotton On Tribal/Floral print high wasted skirt with functional buttons - $6. Fits UK8-10. Sold.

Grey Cotton On half cardigan with ruched sleeves-$6. Size S.

Cotton On high waisted black leopard and floral print skirts-$7 each.



Cotton On crochet tank top in pale pink-$6. Size S. Sold.



Cotton On floral print top-$7. Size XS. Pending.

Cotton On red leopard print top-$6. Size XS.



Forest green lace camisole-$9. Size S. I bought it from Mango but I cut the tag off.

I have way too many clothes haha. Text or email me if interested, I only do meet up though. Thank you honey bunnies <3 81471195/sophielovesjohn@hotmail.com

IWILLTRYTO/FIXYOU.

I arch my back so I make sure,
You're right behind me as before.

I've tried my absolute best to make them happy. I honestly have. I've taken every single insult they had for me, I've never fought back. I kept silent and let them hurt me over and over again, as if I couldn't feel. But nothing ever works. I watch their anger and disappointment grow each day, and I know they're never gonna understand unless I try to make them understand.

I need to be happy. I don't care what I have to do anymore.