YOUNEVERWILLKNOW.

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. I honestly am. I'm sorry you won't ever know how sorry I am. I'm sorry I ruin everything. I'm sorry I didn't live up to be the daughter you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I can't talk to you, and I probably never will.

CAFFEINEJUNKIE_95

I drink caffeine everyday. Coffee, red bull etcetc. Sometimes I can't sleep cause I take too much, so I have to take a pill to go to sleep. So caffeine to stay awake, and a pill to go to sleep. Bullshit cycle.

I'm not here to please anyone, this blog is to pour out my thoughts so that years from now I can look back and remember all the shit I've been through cause knowing my selective memory {I automatically delete memories I can't deal with} these shit years would completely disappear. I just realized how ridiculously long that sentence was. Haha punctuation, hello?

Anyways like I said, I'm not here to please anyone, and if for some reason or another something on this site offends you {which is just really stupid, cause I honestly find nothing on this site offensive} then you can just leave.

Its 3.30pm and I've not bathed yet haha so I will soon. I'm really excited to use the Bodyshop Brazil Nut body polish/scrub mama bought, yay for glowy skin.

Oh and this is really random and all, but oh my god I have a thing for guys with long hair. HAHA no but seriously I think I like guys who look like addicts/junkies/hobos. HAHA.

IAMNOTHINGNOW.

I've been in bed since 9pm and its almost midnight and I'm still awake. Torture of the worst kind. I feel so lonely...why do I always fuck myself up at night? Am I really always going to be this sad? I feel so hollow inside, do you know how that fucking feels like? When you lie in bed and all you feel is sadness, or bitterness, or loneliness? All I do is push people away, cause I can't stand how everybody's moving on, and my life is a complete standstill. A complete fucking joke. As a little girl I thought I'd suffered enough, not having my father ever make me feel like I mattered to him, always a burden to my mother, silently crying whenever either one of them hurt me. But they were just as broken as I am now, nobody could blame them. I love them both so so much.

I love so much, I love everybody I meet, because right now its the only positive thing I have going for me. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep. Sleep for years and wake up and start anew. Cause my existance right now, I don't even think it counts as a life, is just pointless.

This isn't even normal for me anymore.

BLOWTHECANDLESOUT/LOOKSLIKEASOLOTONIGHT.

Photos: All mine, over the past year or two.

Okay blogging with the iPad is beyond frustrating. September holidays now, and I am shocked at how fast the year has gone by. I'm glad of course, I can't wait to get older but its just so sad that my teenage life has to be spent like this-waiting for things to get better. Just. Waiting it out, you know. Sigh.