UGLY/SINANDBONES.

Sleepless night last night. Woke up finally at 6.03am & went to watch playhouse disney with Shania. Its almost 7.30 now, I feel really good about today. Hoping to get to see Joshua before my mother gets back from work at noon. Today's our 26th month! 26th on the 26th. Hahah.

Okay time to paint my nails now. Feel so...happy today. So so fucking glad.

SPECKSOFWHITE/ONMYFINGERS.

My sister was reading instructions on how to apply baby powder.

Sammy: Where are the instructions....directions, directions...AHA, there they are. 'Sprinkle powder onto hand and smooth onto skin.' Okay.

Self: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA WTF SERIOUSLY????

VUNERABLE/BUTYOU'REMYPROTECTION.

I love this photo of me. Its so clear, you can see every flaw, every blemish, every imperfection on my face. Reminds me just how...not pretty I am. How I will never be anywhere near as perfect as those models I see in magazines, runways etc. Not skinny enough, not tall enough, not pretty enough.

It makes me happy-grateful even-my baby loves me as much as he does. Nobody, swear to baby Jesus Christ, NOBODY could ever love me as much as he does. You can't imagine how much he has to tolerate being my boyfriend {my incessant rants on skinnybeautifulmodels, people I don't like, our petty arguements on just about everything, my nightly breakdowns, and everything else}. Hahah I tend to be really bitchy to him sometimes, ):

You guys have no right to judge, cause you don't know how amazing he is to me.

I love my nail colour this week. I am crazy in love with that particular shade of blue. Its Chanel's signature nail polish colour right now, all their models have it on, even their mannequins have it painted on their plastic fingers, which of course makes me love it all the more. Chanel sells it for $42 {I checked it in takashimaya's Chanel boutique-the particular shade is forever sold out worldwide, but their nailpolishes are at a standard price}, I bought mine at the Face shop for $2.90.

Fucking glad.

ICAN'TEXCITEYOU/ANYMORE.

Photos: Webcam yesterday before leaving for Sentosa with my fam. WHY MUST MY FACE BE SO CHUBS.

Ever since the start of the year my blog has been pretty dead, its so irritating. I never seem to have the time to sit down & blog anymore. Never seem to have time for ANYTHING anymore. Sigh.

Valentine's Day today, skipped school cause I had a headache, also felt really lazy. Joshua's home sick too, he's sleeping right now, the meds knocked him out. Hahah. I'll see him tomorrow I hope.

I think life is slowly settling down for me. My mother's treating me well, ignoring all the tension {thats all we ever do-ignore..}, I get to go out more often {not at all frequent but at least I'm OUT}, I get to talk to JP whenever I want to {I don't see him very much but we make the most of it when we do}.

If only my studies didn't have to spoil everything. Its only the second month of the year & already I'm failing everything. Sigh.

I wish this new-found calm in my life would last a bit longer...I'm not asking for much.

I. Want to. Travel the world. I really truly do.

FORM/CROPCIRCLESINTHECARPET.

I've been feeling really lost lately. I don't know where to start there's so much I want to say but its all flying about my head.

Still obsessed with pretty skinny girls. They depress me. Its ridiculous.

I was in IKEA the other day with my fam. As usual I lay in one of their bedroom previews, went underneath the quilt hugged the fluffy pillows-imagined how it'd be like to snuggle up with my future husband on early Sunday mornings {until mama made me get out of the bed before staff caught me, hahahah}.

I can't wait to be married. Early morning cuddle-fests will be what I'd live for. Watching the sun rise from our beautiful flat in New York, drinking orange juice/coffee {no tea i h8 tea} by our floor to ceiling glass windows.

Its sad though cause Joshua h8s being woken up early morning. I want a future like that so fucking bad its crazy. Travelling the world, putting off having kids until we'll until we're done seeing the world.

Hahahah so back to IKEA. I love sweden like crazy, I swear I'm like obsessed with everything swedish. So IKEA's the closest I can get to anything swedish while I'm still in Singapore. Had lunch there, swedish meatballs & daim chocolate cake, OH AND THEIR KIDDY MEALS hahahahah. Definitely wanna go back there with my friends this time.

Feeling sort of good with myself right now. Possibly productive, even. Is the library open?