STAYCALM.

I have a math paper in 7 hours. A math paper I didn't necessarily prepare myself well for since I was sick since Sunday and the pills I had to take made me nauseous. I spent two entire days in bed chewing mint gum and sleeping for hours.

Evil in the form of GCEs.

ITHURTSTOREACHYOUWHENI'M/DOWN.

Hearing you talk about my nightly breakdowns like...its so normal even for you now, like it doesn't even matter anymore, it felt like I'm already starting to lose you. When I sob into my pillow every fucking night all I want is to hear your voice, to tell me that all this will eventually pass. But most nights I have to get through it alone. When I do call you, you get mad, and I pretend like its no big deal but I spend hours awake in bed afterwards, replaying your words in my head.

"I'm tired of your emotional bullshit."

I don't think you'd even remember saying it but you did, and you can't imagine how much it kills me to know that you're sick of me...eventually you will leave.

Its been a week since my mother talked to me. She won't even look at me. I don't matter to her anymore, like how I hardly matter to you now.

SKINANDBONES.

I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself and I want to disappear. I am a wreck and I ruin everything I touch.

Stop hurting yourself. Stop crying. Stop starving yourself. Stay away from your pills. Stop living on caffeine. You are good enough. You have so much more to live for.

Words are failing me right now.