In about 20 minutes it shall be 2011. I'd be excited if I weren't so fucking gloomy. As bitter as I am right now I actually have a more positive outlook on life & even though we're only going over to Tita Grace's place tomorrow for New Year's I AM EXCITED.
It depresses me to think that right now everybody's fucking happy & celebrating the New Year while I'm at home, with everybody asleep except for Sammy, but she's pacing the living room like a mad pacing thing & we both know we don't exactly know what to do right now.
New year has always been super special to me...now its just like any other night. I feel like the old people you saw sleeping while everybody were frantic to save themselves in the movie Titanic. The New Year is gonna come in 15 minutes whether I like it or not. I just wish I could sleep when it happens. But I can't.
Sigh.
So. 2010. The year I:
Ran away from home. Cut myself. Lost my religion. Almost lost my best friends, twice. Let my parents hit me. Let my parents hate me. Let my teachers hate me. Skipped school and CCA routinely. Messed about with pills. Wished I would die over and over and over again.
2011 has to be a better year. I don't see how it could get any worse than 2010. Baby Jesus please make 2011 bearable. Please don't make me want to fucking kill myself over and over again.
Happy New Year, everybody. I hope that all of you, whereever you are, have a wonderful count down. & sending out all my love to you guys. X.
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